C I R C L E S

We think we know someone until we find out we don't know anything at all. How do we think we know someone? Becoming aware of our tendencies due to our environments and upbringing can allow us to realize our thinking and knowing is a reality we made up based off of our judgements and preconceived ideas that were given to us by our environments and upbringing, making a full circle. 

Recently, I noticed a pattern in my upbringing that fed me preconceived ideas of the people around us and those not around us. Almost all of us do it. I allowed these stories to create my reality of these people as early as 5 years old. Slowly, but surely, I began to create the stories myself of the people around me. Not always negative, but a pattern still. 

Hitler and his regime took everything and everyone away in a split second. Literally, the rug was ripped out from underneath. How would one process that? Almost impossible. The easiest way is to not. You swallow what feels like a rock in your throat and move on, because life must go on. You start over. But really, it's the same. The fear of everything and everyone skipping town is still there. You treat your new life with extreme amounts of caution, care and protection. You do it amazingly while robbing your new life of freedom and connection. Maybe not in the same manner as Hitler, but with the same fear of Hitler experience. And then, your new life feels and does the very same thing to the next generation, and so on. (And, I am by no means saying I would have done it any differently. This experience of your own children being killed right in front of your eyes is unimaginable and unfortunately so true for my grandparents.) While your kids stay out of trouble and are shown so much love it is suffocating, and are taken care of like there is nothing else to live for, you find yourself alone.

Fear, abandonment, torture, trauma. These can lead people to a many of behaviors, tendencies and realities. This was just one of them. One that seeped in to one generation and then the next. For the first time, I am left standing here asking myself of others, "who are you?" with curiosity. Fears of abandonment and pain have created an identity of a lot of people for me. They have been so deep that they seemed so real, I wouldn't have even questioned it. I know now, it was judgement and lack of compassion. My eyes are open. I am not sorry and I will never be upset at the start of all this for creating this reality for me and teaching me to create this reality for myself. I understand why you did it. I understand why I did it. I understand why anyone would. I see you.

Now, it is time to let go and realize we don't know anything at all. Meeting anyone and anything without judgement and without trying to fix anything is key to true connection. Even if someone attempts to create a reality around this thing or person, it is up to us to be open about it. Even if that person we meet attempts to create a reality around themselves, it is up to us to be open about it. 

Because all we know is that we know nothing at all.