About 6 months ago I was house sitting in a house that had large windows with no dressing. When it got dark, I made up these stories that could very well happen. Someone lurking in the dark, watching me. He'll eventually make it way over to hurt me. One day, my brother and I had a conversation where I expressed this to him. He told me that I am allowed to choose my thoughts. Like, the one time he was in Mexico and sat on the beach in the middle of the night. It suddenly dawned on him that this is not a safe place and he could totally get attacked sitting by himself in the middle of the night in Mexico! And then he realized, he can choose his thoughts. So, he stayed. I heard him and have been mindful of that, thinking I got it.
This morning, I had the most amazing meditation experience yet. I like to focus on my breath while meditating, as meditating, sitting still and quieting the mind is not one of my strong suits. So, I always say to myself accordingly, I inhale. I exhale. Or, I count the breath. Today, I began with I inhale. I exhale.
How many times have I heard, "Your thoughts come to you on a conveyor belt. You get to choose." I get that, but it never clicked. Today, thought after thought came in to my head. want to make a mediation nook for myself. How would I do that? How about on the balcony? I can close off this.... WOOOOOAAAAAHHHH.... chiiiiiiiilllll out guuuuuuuuuuurl. I choose inhale. I choose exhale. And boom. Click! Letting go of vision and quite literally hearing my thoughts as if I am standing in front of a bunch of people talking to me. Who do I want to listen to? I actively choose by saying I choose and what I've chosen amplifies while there is still buzzing in the background. I feel as though I have accepted my thoughts. I let them live on. For the first time though, I've chosen. My phone even rang! I heard it. I chose. Phone is ringing. I choose inhale. Click.
Now I am kinda excited to see what happens when I really need to choose which way I handle myself in a real life situation. What thoughts will I choose. Can I actively choose the ones that will make me feel more comfortable? Can you? Give it a shot! Let me know how it goes. Would love to hear.