Tears stream down my eyes as I recite what I’ve recited year after year, but with a connection to yearning to be with God, my heart, my truth - where I feel safe like when I was in the womb. 
Kaparot 
Children of man who sit in darkness and the shadow of death, bound in misery and chains of iron --- He will bring them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and will sunder their bonds. Foolish sinners, afflicted because of their sinful ways and their wrongdoings; their soul loathes all food and they reach the gates of death --- they cry out to the Lord in their distress; He saves them from their afflictions. He sends forth His word and heals them; He delivers them from their graves. Let them thank the Lord for His kindness, and [proclaim] His wonders to the children of man. If there be for a man [even] one interceding angel out of a thousand [accusers], to speak of his uprightness in his behalf, then He will be gracious to him and say: Redeem him from going down to the grave; I have found expiation [for him].

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We do this. We are so afflicted by our sinful ways that we suffer to the point of malnutritionment. And when we are so low, facing the gates of death, we can begin to notice the difference and heal. It is God’s kindness - that which is within, that heals. So thank and find gratitude. Your continued prayer or practice will redeem you from going back there, because you are practicing to remember Heart, God, Truth. 
חתימה טובה!